I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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