can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
