Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
