the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
