Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
