Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
