it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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