I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize