He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
