In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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