even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize