I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
