Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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