i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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