im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
