Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
