he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
