The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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