I'm pants shitting drunk right now
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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