He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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