I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
