# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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