Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
