Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
