If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
