so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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