Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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