Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
