After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
