My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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