You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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