Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize