Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
