Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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