when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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