Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
