Define "chronic" masturbator.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize