You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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