I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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