omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize