Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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