Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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