I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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