btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
