hell yes lets make some ravioli
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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