i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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