I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
