if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think my fart just growled at me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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