Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
