he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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