so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
