I'm gonna have a badass scar
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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