It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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