i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
