Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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