Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
