I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
