Cold hands, warm shart.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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