you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
