I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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