You really coming over, don't trick.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
