$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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