the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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