Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
