she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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