If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
