I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
