So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
