pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
