it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
